Vampire: an astrology of the heart

 

“All the counsel you have received has only worn you out. Let your astrologers come forward, those stargazers who make predictions month by month, let them save you from what is coming upon you. Surely, they are like stubble; the fire will burn them up. They cannot even save themselves from the flame… Each of them goes on in his error; there is not one that can save you.” ~ Isaiah 47:13-15 NIV

 

Long ago one freedom was exchanged for another. The Vampire has not always been who they are now. A Faustian bargain took death and in its stead placed the eternal dedication to a most illusive divination. Where most practitioners gaze upwards into the beyond and weave elaborate stories out of the movement relationships of heavenly bodies, the Vampire turns inward. A vastness unfolds there, as distant, mysterious and alluring as the galaxies. From the very beginning, the human heart-soul has intrigued the Vampire. As inexplicable as the most distant star, as necessary as the air that had ventilated their human lung.

The Vampire is enthralled with star gazing, the activity of gazing into the eyes of another being. It started when two of them had sat cross-legged one across from the other; a love bound them in place as vulnerability slowly gave to rapture. Their eyes locked and neither of them spoke nor moved. They hardly breathed. It had been a dark, clear night and the sky heavy and dripping with starlight. Starlight reflected in their eyes and was enlivened by a spark of life within. That evening, each lost themselves in the other, irreversibly drawn into a profound depth. Life pulsed strongly in them both and it was the source, the animating energy, the well that gave lustre to the eye and that stirred their wild young thoughts, it was this inner ‘it’, that they had longed to discover.

Death left one where there had once been two. A fierce love remained alive and too strong to be contained burst and scattered. On the edge of madness, the young lover turned seeker. They had experienced an unforgettable beauty. Insatiable and driven by the need to experience once again the force of this labyrinthian energy, they wandered the earth and sought in each being the timeless vibrancy that had felt like a warm comforting, a containing and unmediated holding while as if absent of mercy, throwing one also into the furthest corners of loneliness. They had felt small on that night; it had been an important and supported smallness, an encouragement to strive upwards, outwards, to let go of boundedness and scatter, to experience it all intimately, to drink it up, bathe in it, feel it become one in and with you, to feel… feel… feel… ecstasy, to ecstasy, ecstatize, ecstasiate, ecstasize.

The bargain was struck when almost lifeless they had sunk into a comalike state and were there received. Eternity unfolded itself and life was driven out. Awaking a Vampire, the profundity of the change had then not been realized, realizable. Gift or curse, what was accomplished that day permitted the continuance of search. The heart astrologer was born and plunged once more into the vastness.

And the steps that they took, from this most unlikely birth to this very day, and ever onward towards a distant expiring, trace in time an inconceivable figure intuitively grasped from above as the weaving of the connecting lines of and within the universal sky. What was so lovingly searched for and continues the onwards drive appears as nothing more and nothing less than the expanding outline of a universe that, above and within, moves undiscoverable, too close to the heart, to close and too far.

 

“the terrifying immensity of the firmament’s abyss is an illusion, an external reflection of our own abyss, perceived ‘in a mirror’. We should invert our eyes and practice a sublime astronomy in the infinitude of our hearts, for which God was willing to die… if we see the Milky Way, it is because it actually exists in our souls” ~ Borges, The mirror of enigmas

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